Ellerslie Echo

Remind Me Why We Do This Again?

Championship Matchday 3 – Coventry City (A)

As QPR fans, getting embarrassed and losing by big margins is nothing new to us. The revolving door of managers is nothing new to us. Relegation fights are certainly nothing new to us. Low effort, can’t be arsed attitudes from our players are nothing new to us. Wanting the season to be over before the first international break is nothing new to us.

Under Neil Critchley (I often have to remind myself that this spell happened), and then even more so under Gareth Ainsworth, I lost interest in the club. I barely attended matches, I would check the score and not even bother to watch the highlights. It was the most detached I’ve ever felt from the club. I didn’t care anymore. 

As much as I didn’t want to be there, I could appreciate the circumstances the club was under. No transfer budget, a poor and inexperienced squad coached by a long-haired Northern hippy who detested attractive football, academy players being forced into the side who are now playing non-league and don’t look out of place there – it wasn’t an easy job for anyone involved. So in hindsight, I can cut them a bit of slack. 

That’s not the case here. When Cifuentes came in, it felt like a new club. He’d kept us up and redeemed Ainsworth’s crimes against football. Then, given a whole summer, money was spent and it looked like we were building a competitive side (we weren’t). But was it his side? Sneaking in through the door behind Marti was CEO Christian Nourry. I won’t pretend to know the extent of Marti’s involvement in recruitment and what led to us parting ways, but it was quite clear who was in charge, and whose squad this really is.

This season, despite Marti’s needless departure, we’ve further strengthened, brought in another European manager, spent big money (relative to our previous windows) signed some well sought after players – Poku, Kone, Saito probably on his way back – and a big chunk of us fans have bought into the idea that we might actually be able to compete this year, with just a few gaps that needed, and still need filling before the window’s close.

Fast forward a few weeks to today. Three league games and one in the cup. 1 draw and 3 losses. A 7 (SEVEN) 1 loss in our third league game. After 2 months of pre-season to establish standards, a shape, a plan, and physically and tactically prepare, what do we get? Another barely fit squad, weak and tired. In our THIRD game of the season. How do you find the motivation to write about that?

Stephan won’t get the same patience that his predecessors had. The money spent, the promise, the hype, the calibre of players we’ve brought in. The club genuinely had me, and a chunk of other naive fans, believing we were capable of doing something this year. The Frenchman has been backed more than any, probably since Hasselbaink. He will undoubtedly have more pressure on him to get results. Whether it’s fair or not, the pile-on has already shown glimpses of beginning for Julian this season. 

I can and will pinpoint issues with his selections, his tactics, where he is responsible for our start to the season, and for this absolute drubbing. I’ll also highlight that he and our new captain, fan-favourite Jimmy Dunne were straight down the tunnel at full time, along with the majority of the squad who at most stood 50 yards away from the fans, giving them a half-arsed applause. Mbuenge, Cook, Kone, Smyth, and in particular 20 year-old Rayan Kolli, all deserve at least some credit for being the only ones man enough to face what remained of that bitter away end. 

What I won’t do after three games is make any actual statements about whether or not Stephan’s job should be on the line. That’s pointless. He stays – we probably struggle for a while longer but he gets to build a ‘project’ and we can make proper judgements. He leaves – we get another new, unproven manager in and start this whole process again. Ultimately though, as is the case for any manager that will come and go under this management team, this isn’t his side. He’s not the one in charge. The ones responsible don’t have to face the press, don’t have to face the boo’s, the abuse, the endless unanswered questions and frustration. Not until the North Korea-styled, heavily-censored fans forum that happens twice a year, of course. 

So, whether it’s down to Christian Nourry, Julian Stephan, Lee Hoos, Ben Williams, the medical team, Jude the Cat, I don’t really care. The point is that nothing has changed. We are soft, we are weak, we get bullied, we look uninterested, we look scared, we don’t want to be there. Hats off to Lampard and Coventry, a brilliant, well-coached side put together with proper footballers, proper athletes who want to win and will make sure you know about it. They didn’t have to get out of second gear and it wouldn’t surprise me if they had a 90 minute training match between themselves after this just to feel something. It certainly would’ve been more intense than the real thing.

7-1. That’s not a result you can find any positives in. That’s not something you can look at and mark down as an off day. That’s something that highlights deep, underlying issues from top to bottom. West Brom, Blackpool, now Coventry. Three of the darkest days in my lifetime as a Rangers fan, all occurring in the last 7 years. There’s been other, almost equally bad results if you look back further, but these ones sting more. These ones make you question why on earth you’ve ever bothered with the time, money, and effort, and whether or not you should find another hobby. The state of the goals as well, that’s what stings more. The state of the f*cking defending man.

Before the game, another Inside Training video was posted on the socials, captioned ‘Getting Set For Saturday’. I didn’t watch the whole 6 minute video, because quite frankly I’m sick to death of seeing clips of our players smashing shots in from 10 yards against no defenders and then watching us get walked over at the weekend. What does that do for us? Are we supposed to look at that and get excited? Go into the game thinking it’ll be a walk in the park? It’ll be interesting to see what he has them doing in the open training session – not that I’ll be there.

I can appreciate they aren’t going to share in-depth training footage or reveal any tactical preparation, but just do us all a favour and don’t post it at all.  Where’s the defensive drills? Where’s the intensity? Where’s the fitness training? It’s all too laid back, it’s all too casual, absolutely nothing about it said to me this was a championship team training for a game against play-off favourites. We aren’t fit, we can’t last an hour of football. Get in the gym lads. Get on the weights. Do a bleep test. 

I don’t need to say much more. No one wants to read another rant about the state of the club, the squad, what on earth we do in training and why, despite managing to hang on in 15th-20th, we look completely out of our depth every single year. It’s tiresome and like many others, I’m too fed up to get angry over it, so let’s get this match review over with. 

We’ll start with the selection. I said after Watford that I didn’t want to see a Cook and Morrison partnership again. That’s exactly what we saw. Amadou Mbuenge was dropped this time, after he struggled in a position that he was never employed to play in the first place. Esquerdinha was brought back into the starting 11 and Jimmy Dunne made his first start as skipper. They played in front of the trusty Joe Walsh.

All five were horrendous. I’ll go easy on the Brazilian due to his age and inexperience. He was defensively shocking but he isn’t the issue. Liam Morrison is still an important player but he’s not immune to criticism. If he plays rubbish I’ll call it out. Steve Cook needs to stop challenging twitter kids to races and realise that perhaps his legs actually are gone, sorry, that’s just the sad truth of it. I said in pre-season that I was worried about Dunne getting found out at right-back. This was that day. 

The passing from the back, which went down the right through Jimmy Dunne every single time, was slow, shaky and Cov barely had to press with any intensity in order for us to self-sabotage. They outnumbered us in midfield and they outnumbered us in and around our own box. They were barely trying and managed to completely shut us down and close us in. That was just on the rare occasion we had the ball. The first 10 minutes at 0-0 was spent mostly chasing it and watching them pass around our penalty area looking for a way in. I would’ve put my house on a goal coming, if I owned one. 

Then, when the ball made its way through our midfield and into our box, Haji Wright, unchallenged, finished off a move which began in Coventry’s half and consisted of three passes, with all involved granted the freedom of the city of Coventry. Like it was four fresh subs against tired legs in the dying stages of the game. This was the eleventh minute. 

I felt sorry for Varane having to play next to Sam Field, and in front of this back four. He did mostly what was asked of him, dropping deep to receive the ball, but had no help around him, and was outnumbered, which made him look poor, but there wasn’t much he could do, surrounded by players who don’t want the ball and are completely incapable of keeping possession of it. If I had a quid for every misplaced pass in our own half, I probably would own a house. 

By no means am I making excuses for them, but we all knew that the three of Matt Grimes, Victor Torp and Jack Rudoni were never going to be easy work. Arguably the best midfield in the league. However I can’t imagine a domination as bad as that against any other team in this division. We looked way off it, like we’d just come up from League One. 

We were informed of Chair’s injury maybe hours before kick off, and whilst infuriating to hear that another key player will be out, Kieran Morgan in the 10 excited most of us on paper, but this was the worst I’ve seen him play since he arrived. I’ll give him the same benefit of the doubt that I’ve given to the Brazilian, but he was poor. His passing was shocking, and his inexperience certainly showed – a confusing one after being our best player the week before. 

This was highlighted for the second goal, where, during our usual goal kick routine, the youngster, without looking forward or even remotely hesitating, played a lovely cross into our own box to find Rudoni, who put it on a plate for Brandon Thomas-Asante, with Cook not able to prevent his shot and Esquerdinha nowhere to be seen. The definition of schoolboy defending. I don’t think anyone, himself included, could explain to me what was going through Morgan’s head there. 

An early 2 goal deficit but not entirely irreversible, and despite the pure dominance, not a complete turnover just yet. There was still a chance, at this point, of restoring some level of dignity and maybe showing the same ‘fight’ that we did in the second half at Vicarage Road. We did get forward at this stage, with Burrell trying his best to create a sniff of danger, and Coventry struggling to clear their lines, finding Esquerdinha who collected the ball but took a wasteful wide shot from distance. What followed was disgusting.

35 minutes of pure bombardment, 11 professional football players against 11 five-a-side ballers who’d been plucked from Shepherd’s Bush Power League and thrown on the coach up to Cov. I’ve never seen a half of football quite like it. Players outright laughing at their opposition before half time. I hope that was humbling for our lot. It certainly was for the away fans. Cifuentes chants half an hour in. That’s what we’re dealing with here. 

The third, fourth and fifth all felt like punches in the stomach, one after the other, each one winding you more than the last. It was hard to even focus on what was going on. Before you had a chance to even reflect on what was happening, another cheer from the home crowd rang through your ears and the concourse got fuller and fuller, probably queuing as far back as the City centre. That’s a long queue for anyone who knows how deep in the middle of nowhere that ground is.

My description of these next three goals will be the same as those it’s based on, quick, effortless, and before you know it it’s 5-0. Again, in an attempt to play out from the back, in which our players were literally all strolling about the pitch like they were 2-0 up instead of down, Dembele lost the ball and made no attempt to recover it. Grimes then found Rudoni whose shot deflected from Cook into the top corner.

The fourth came from our second attempt at what you may call an attack, where in the opposition box, Dembele and Dunne made a joint effort this time to return the ball to its rightful owners, and it found its way back up the other end again, with Cook once again left to chase, and failing at it, the scorer of the second, who cut in to allow Haji Wright to slot home his second with a nice finish in the bottom corner. 

The fifth – a goal kick, a header won in midfield, the ball held up by Wright, and picked up by Torp, like there was no one around them, Field on the floor, Varane watching, Rudoni walking to the edge of the box and slotting it past Walsh like he wasn’t there. 43 minutes played. 5 goals scored. Not a sweat broken between the entire Coventry XI. My jaw didn’t pick itself up until it was grasped around a plastic cup containing a pint of sh*te lager that made its way down my throat as smoothly and quickly as the ball had through our midfield on more than 5 occasions this half.

What do you say to your players after that? What do you change? You give them a kick up the backside, take the sh*t ones off (preferably all of them) and make damn sure that it doesn’t continue after the restart. It did. It took 2 minutes of the second half. Some team-talk that. As for changes, Morgan was deservedly taken off, and we were saved, as Casper the lanky Danish ghost was on to take his place in midfield. Let’s hope we get 6 penalties ay? Kone was also forced to kit up as the struggling Esquerdinha made way for Field to drop into left back. Oh good.

It was Victor Torp who added his name to the list this time, after we failed to clear our lines, and he took a weak shot that should’ve been easy work for Joe Walsh, but ended up in the back of the net for 6-0. Walsh was also at fault for the next one 19 minutes later where the same player took a curling shot from distance and he may as well have been stood on the penalty spot. That should never be going in. It looks like a good goal because it was a very nice shot but it really, really should’ve been easy to deal with for a 6 ft 3 goalkeeper. 

Coventry could’ve, and should’ve, carried it on and made it double figures. But they were just taking the piss at this point. There was no need for them to embarrass us any further, they were content with just the seven goals on this occasion. 

In the 91st minute we found ourselves in unfamiliar territory (the opposition’s half) and won a free kick on the right wing. Dembele stepped up and to be fair, put in a cracking cross for Morrison to knock down to Kone for his first goal as a QPR player. A tap-in on the surface but actually a good finish that he had to battle for, and one that I doubt Celar would’ve even been there to attempt. In fairness, it was actually a very good goal. But I’ll refrain from giving them too much praise. They don’t deserve it. 

A dark day, followed by an apology from Stephan where he promised a difference in the approach to Charlton. I’d hope so mate. Thanks for clearing that up. Time to give the players some ratings.

Player Ratings:

Joe Walsh – 2/10 

How can you give a keeper that concedes 5 in 45 minutes, and 7 in 90, any higher than this? Especially when he was at fault for 2, maybe even 3 of the goals. Terrible on the ball, terrible in the attempted build-up play, and shocking in the sticks. Horrific. Not one redeeming feature, I don’t even know where the 2 has come from to be honest.

Jimmy Dunne – 2/10

Again. Captain, leader, legend? Okay James. I bet you’re gutted Wilder left Brammall Lane, aren’t you? Horrow show. Being a captain doesn’t mean just shouting and moaning at your team mates. You have to set an example. I’ve always adored Jimmy Dunne and he’s up there with my favourite players of all time. I was one of the ones screaming for him to get the armband, but no, this ain’t it. This isn’t what I want to see from my captain. Get a proper right-back in, and a midfielder/centre half who will LEAD. Straight down the tunnel after a performance like that, pathetic. 

Steve Cook – 2.5/10

Not sure why the extra half point, it just felt right given how poor those other two really were. But Cookie was hardly any better. Legs gone, nowhere near it. Supposedly our other captain, no leadership shown from him either. Stop dropping Mbuenge for him. I don’t care what wage he’s on. He’s not up to it anymore.

Liam Morrison – 3.5/10

Got an assist. A nice knock plucked from the air down to Kone. Defensively crap. I still like Morrison and think he’d look a lot better surrounded by capable defenders and protected by an actual midfield, but he still needs to be held accountable when he’s not good enough, and when seven goals are conceded, you don’t look much further than the defence.

Esquerdinha – 2/10

Completely out of his depth here. We knew he wasn’t the most defensive of full-backs but it’s still a large chunk of his duties. If you can’t do the basics you aren’t going to make it at any level as a left-back, let alone the Championship. He’s still young and raw, and has bags of talent so I’ll cut him some slack, but we need a proper left-back to get us out of this mess.

Jonathan Varane – 4/10

As mentioned, not the greatest, but the best of a bad bunch. It’s impossible to look good as a holding midfielder when your support network is Sam Field, Jimmy Dunne, Cook&Morrison, and a Kieran Morgan who decided he wanted to play for Coventry this weekend. He was made to look poor against a very strong midfield but this was by no means his fault. He doesn’t deserve to have to play with these teammates.

Sam Field – 3/10

Getting boring writing about Fieldy’s non-presence in midfield. He was better at left-back in the second half but still poor, particularly on the ball (shock). He’s really, really struggling this season.

Kieran Morgan – 1.5/10

Sorry, mate. You had a stinker. Worst player on the pitch after being the only positive and scoring a rocket the week before. Misplacing too many passes and literally putting a cross into your own box to set up a goal. Had to be hooked at half time he was that bad. Probably the lowest rating I’ll give to a player all season. 

Karamoko Dembele – 3/10

I’m starting to see why Dembele never made it at the highest level. Bags of ability, so good on the ball, but so weak, no physicality about him whatsoever. He’s made of toilet paper. I saw a few jokes on twitter and in LoftForWords about Dembele cramp minute bingo – it was the 80th minute if you were wondering. Got a 3 here because he put a nice cross in for the goal. Other than that, a completely ineffective performance. Not fit enough, not strong enough. When watching Arsenal, one thing is guaranteed – Saka limping at some stage in the game. With QPR, one thing is guaranteed – Dembele sitting down, cramping or holding his hamstrings. 

Rayan Kolli – 2.5/10

I’m not sure I saw him touch the ball. If he did, I’m sure he looked okay, so I won’t be hard on him. It’s not his fault his midfield are incapable of playing football or progressing up the pitch. He was by no means to blame for this performance but I can’t give a man that barely touched the ball any higher than what I have here. I still think he’s more effective up top than out on the left.

He only gets higher for being less crap – also special mention for being one of only two to actually go and talk to the fans, the other being Steve Cook. Incredibly humble and respectable for a 20 year-old and puts the other lot to shame.

Rumarn Burrell – 2.5/10

Tried his best to create a threat but completely isolated and was offered no support. How are you supposed to pose a danger or score goals when you’re completely surrounded by Blue shirts, and you have this lot behind you? It’s not going to happen. Another player unable to make an impact because of poor tactics, useless midfielders and shocking build-up play.

Substitutes:

• Richard Kone – 5/10 – Scored a goal.
• Amadou Mbuenge – 4/10 – came on and was instantly better than Dunne. Also straight over to the fans at full time. Needs to start over Cook with zero questions asked.
• Paul Smyth – 2/10 – I’m not sure it’s worth even rating the wingers in this game. They weren’t brought into play at all.
• Kealey Adamson – 2.5/10 – Kept a clean sheet! Not a left-back. Why are we playing him here, and not at right-back? Is he good enough? If so, use him! Get an actual left-back in.
• Nicolas Madsen – 2/10 – Better than Morgan. Still Madsen. No impact.

When I started this page, a question on my mind was, am I going to bother when we go full QPR and don’t win a game for weeks, or when we get absolutely turned over? Will I still be able to write about it? Will I lose interest? Will it all go out the window? I woke up Sunday morning with a slight hangover, remembered what had happened and went for a walk. I hadn’t spoken to anyone about the game.

I had a think about where I’d even start. I barely watched the game live. I hadn’t even gotten angry at this point. I didn’t have the energy. I was so fed up. I was numb. The fact that I’ve managed to write this up is probably a sign that I’ll probably still be doing this, no matter how bad it gets. So even if one person reads this, I’ll be happy. If one person manages to drag themselves back through the memory of this absolute horror-show, and read what I had to say about it, that’s a success. 

It’s not Stephan’s team. It’s his selection though, and it was a poor one. I don’t understand why Mbuenge keeps getting pushed aside for a man who can’t run. I don’t understand why Joe Walsh is in ahead of Nardi. I’m not convinced a French manager would drop a French goalkeeper with bags of experience for a 23 year-old who has shown no signs at all of being remotely better than him. That can’t be Stephan. That’s a business decision.

Our best keeper is out on loan. Our second best keeper is on the bench. Our third best keeper is starting. Make it make sense. We have a week to get a left back, another centre half and a midfielder. In fact I’d get two midfielders in. As I’m proof-reading this, Isaac Hayden has just been announced. Thank the Gods. Just what we needed. One more please. And a left back. Saito is a bonus. 

This team isn’t ready. It’s a relegation side. Sheffield Wednesday are on their third season since promotion, their owner hates them. They haven’t been paying their players and can barely get an 11 together. They look way more comfortable at this level than us. It’s embarrassing.

Preston have won two games. Oxford haven’t won a game yet but look a better side than us. Hull do too. The three promoted sides are all more prepared for this league than us. Derby look comfortable, Sheffield United obviously aren’t going to stay at the bottom. There aren’t three worse teams than us. There isn’t one at the moment.

The midfield just isn’t there. We’ve let Jack Colback go and brought in no replacement. We have no leaders, no experience, no quality in the middle. Who are our leaders? Who’s captain material? Steve Cook was a good captain up until now, but he’s past it. I thought Dunne would make a great captain. I seem to be wrong. Who else? Field? Varane? Chair? No. None of them. Spineless. Pathetic. And it’s been the same for years. Hopefully Hayden is one of the answers to these questions.

We have some very very good players. But it isn’t working. We have a new promising striker who needs service. We have great attacking players, Poku, Chair, Dembele, Kolli. They’re capable of providing that service, but if they aren’t getting the ball, or getting support from a decent midfield, there’s no point in them being there either. They also can’t stay fit. It’s disgraceful.

Sort it out.

Man of the Match – Richard Kone

He scored a goal. That’s all there is to say. 

Donkey of the Day – Kieran Morgan

There cannot be another contender for donkey when someone plays a cross into their own box to set up a goal. Rookie stuff, one of the first things you learn not to do when playing football in school. Don’t play it across your own goal. He took that one step further. He had the ball on the wing, could’ve played a simple pass into the midfield, but decided to literally whip it in straight to Rudoni’s feet. Mental.

Coventry Star Player – Jack Rudoni

This is a name we heard years ago, when he was at Wimbledon, and Les Ferdinand was reportedly keen on getting him signed. We ultimately decided against it for whatever reason and he chose to sign for Huddersfield. Coventry eventually picked him up and he’s been one of the best players in the league ever since. It’s worth mentioning that Brandon Thomas-Asante terrorised our defence, as did Haji Wright, but the battle was won in the midfield.

Rudoni can do everything; defend, win headers, carry the ball, finish, tackle, pass, the lot. He was always going to have a field day against a midfield like ours, and being one of three players to bag a brace, he was definitely my man of the match. He absolutely ran the show. My one to watch was Victor Torp, who also scored two, and made easy work of it, but Rudoni was different class. Sofascore gave him a perfect 10. I’m so, so bitter we never snapped him up.

Up next:

Championship Matchday 4: Charlton Athletic (H) 

Score Prediction: QPR 1-0 Charlton

One to watch: Conor Coventry

Now that that’s out the way, we’ve got one more game to look forward to before a week off where I get to travel to Villa Park to watch England stroll around the pitch and put eight past Andorra, putting us all to sleep. I’m undecided whether I’ll start writing about England games or not.

Charlton have had a good window, nabbing some of League One’s best talents and raiding Luton Town, and so far it’s paid off with a fairly decent start to their first season back. 4 points from 9, only conceding 1 goal; a screamer from Abdul Fatawu of Leicester. Charlie Kelman hasn’t hit the ground running, he’s been given much less patience than the likes of Zan Celar have at QPR – dropped after just one game. He’ll probably come back into the starting line up to score his first goal at Loftus Road.

Charlton’s defensive solidity can be credited mainly to Lloyd Jones, Amari’i Bell and keeper Thomas Kaminski, with Josh Edwards at left-back also impressing. My one to watch, Conor Coventry, sits in front, protecting the back four and sweeping, bringing Sonny Carey, Greg Docherty and the wingers into play. Charlton’s midfield is by no means the same level as the Sky Blues’, but if a new face isn’t brought in by Saturday, it probably still beats ours. To caveat, Hayden now arrives, but whether he starts or not is another thing. 

That being said, I think Varane could have a solid game up against the pair of Carey and Docherty, but he needs support, and someone better than Field to help him out. I would say Morgan but I doubt he’ll be starting after this weekend. As for Conor Coventry, he’ll be rubbing his hands together knowing that Ilias isn’t fit. I imagine Madsen will be starting in the 10. He won’t be allowed the time and space he usually requires on the ball, and will likely be absent again. 

I don’t look forward to seeing our defenders up against Harvey Knibbs, either. He didn’t start against Leicester, I’m unsure why, but was a threat when he came on. I imagine he’ll start here, and whoever is tasked with marking him will have their work cut out. Mbuenge is definitely needed. Miles Leaburn and Charlie Kelman don’t concern me too much – I can’t see this being a high scoring game. 

For whatever reason, I think this will be the day we get our first three points. I have nothing to base that off. I’m just going to take Stephan’s word that things will be different in this game. Hopefully Kone starts, and gets the service he needs. 

Coventry will undoubtedly make easy work of Madsen but Charlton’s midfield doesn’t worry me too much going forward, and as I said I can see Varane having a strong game, given that whoever he’s paired up with is able to actually show, progress the ball and bring Dembele, Smyth, Burrell, Kolli or whoever it may be into play. We need to learn how to keep the ball for more than 30 seconds, and I think this is a good opportunity to do so. We need to get it forward and find Kone. I think he’ll score his second goal and seal the 1-0 win. 

Championship Matchday 4 Predictions:

Poor this week, 1 correct score and 3 correct results. Some shocks: Stoke winning at St Mary’s, Millwall’s keeper turning into an octopus and sealing 3 points at Brammall Lane, Preston beating Ipswich and Wednesday scoring twice to draw at Wrexham. Here’s next week’s predictions:

• Middlesbrough 1-2 Sheffield United
• Stoke City 1-1 West Bromwich Albion
• Blackburn Rovers 0-2 Norwich City
• Bristol City 2-0 Hull City
• Ipswich Town 2-1 Derby County
• Millwall 0-1 Wrexham
• Oxford United 0 -2 Coventry City
• Portsmouth 0-0 Preston North End
• Sheffield Wednesday 0-2 Swansea City
• Watford 1-2 Southampton

If you’ve made it this far, thanks for reading. It’s much appreciated. Especially for one like this, that I really, really had to dig deep to write. See you next week.

You R’s.